Drowning In Time

something short. very stream of conscious because I just needed to write.

The days keep creeping forward as if they have something to prove, or rather somewhere to be other than the moment that is the present. I remember hearing someone tell me once that the present doesn’t exist, whatever we could imagine as our present, it has already passed. This ‘present’ is ever passing within one of the smallest things in the universe, quantum foam.

I have had other conversations where people argue quantum foam still does not technically exist in our universe, as human time is thoroughly lived through past moments, and in those moments a future is created instantly, passing over the tiny bubble particle of the present tense. These ideas are what make me a nihilist. A Taoist. A complete hopeless and romantic fool.

If the present does not exist, how am I here existing right now at this moment?

The probable answer is that I have been sucked into too much philosophy and physics that I may not comprehend properly. Nonetheless, it feels hopeless. Hopeless to live ‘in the moment’ as the current will take you anywhere it desires, and to fight the waves will only exhaust and crush a soul who is trying.

All of that to say, plainly I feel like the waves are crushing me. The moment I come up to breathe fresh air, I swallow gulps of water into my lungs and my voice burns and becomes quiet, this is when I realize I never even made it to the surface.

I want to breech that surface, feel the presence of time as it never stops. I want my lungs to burn because I cannot stop talking about impenetrable souls and art. I will go with the flow of waves, riding the quantum foam to the end in hopes to just make peace out of what I have done, and what I have been given.

There may never be an answer to the question I will always search for, and in time I will be okay with no reply at all.